Tomolo's off day.....time to zzzzzzzzzzz........
I think I need to face up to some of the bad habits and defensive mechanisms that I have been instinctively using all this while. Some of them are totally not effective, and yet they kick in the moment that I have one of those panic attack sessions.
I seriously need to do something about them. This is definitely not helping.
I'm super tired. And frankly speaking, these few days I'm feeling more and more demoralized.
I feel that everyday no matter how well I charge my battery. By the end of the first few hours of work, I already feel battery flat already.
I really wonder why I bother.
The clear button is not working, making it very difficult to sms. Pls call me instead.
After much discussion, it has been decided that your placement in Nepal will be approved on the conditions that:-
the school principal will accept all local responsibility (professional
and other) for you
you will locate a Singaporean supervisor who will provide online
supervision (hopefully skype) for the duration of the placement
the psychiatrist who visits the school will co-supervise you in
conjunction with the supervisor from Singapore.
All of the above requirements need to be met and included in your formal
application forms for approval to be granted. Should any of these
requirements change once you are in Nepal eg your supervisor in
Singapore or Nepal withdraws, your placement will be reviewed with the
possibility of termination if a satisfactory arrangement cannot be
achieved.
Also Alvin, please note in future all emails must be sent from your Monash account.
Cheers,
Nicky
It was a really cheezy japanese show but still very touching at the same time. It was mainly talking abt this inspirational female teacher. Quite a good watch. Esp for AJs, cos got LOTS and LOTS of cute cute jap jap ones, u know? SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many!!!!!
http://www.gv.com.sg/moviedetails/gv_mo
I'll give the movie 5 stars!!!! (for all the cute cute....hahahahahahaha....)
The time has come. The signs have shown.
It's time to empty that cup and start all over again.
( The email )
For Marvin:
這次就特別寫一個華語版的給你。但是會是長文縮短。因爲你覺得我的英文太過囉嗦、深奧，我
徵求自我改變，因爲我要挑戰自己的思想、社會的道德傳統，從心而發，給邊自我的習氣與
For a long time I have not felt this sad already......but it seemed like a very sad story.
I'll try to recall as much as I can.
I was in the army, and I felt compelled to ask why we were having reservists even after such a long time. Hahahahahaha.....farni, cos in real life, I couldn't wait to escape from reservist. I went back and asked, and, if I remember correctly, an elderly gentleman approached me and told me that it was because of this particular white horse in the platoon that had passed away, and that the father had requested for the temporary halt. Apparently, I recalled that if I went to this particular museum, that there might have been some information there to give me a better idea about the case.
I went to the museum, and on the 3rd story of the museum, I managed to find out some info just before it closed. Apparently, this guy was very close to his father, and they came from rather humble kampung background. But somehow, a fire started, burning down everything that they had, and he and his father managed to escape by jumping into a river, but his father was badly injured and disfigured. With all his strength as a boy, he pulled his father to safety. His father was very hardworking and managed to become very successful.
Subsequently, the boy actually led a carefree and happy life. I think he compared his own life to an angel. It was one of the happiest times of his life.
THEN, he met a guy, and they fell in love. Madly deeply in love. He almost wanted to leave home with this guy. There was a haversack that kept coming into the picture. From what I recall, that was the only thing that the father had left to remember his son by. This was the haversack that he had tried to use when he was running away from home due to parental objection. I believed he tried to kill himself. It was suicide. I think both died. After that, his father felt very very very remorseful. I recall when I was speaking in the army camp to the father, it almost felt like he was carrying this sense of lost and regret with him all his life, just as he was holding on to the haversack until the day he would step into his grave.
It was such a pity. The guy was a really good sketch artist. He drew beautifully of his childhood. He drew beautiful simple sketch pictures of he and his bf. Of how the two of them would sit simply on a bench, and his bf would gently put his hand discreetly around his waist. He died very very young.
It felt almost as though someone from the dead was reaching out to me to help me write this story to ask me to relate to his father. I believe that the son's name was Kelvin or something. And that his surname was Mah. If there really happens to be such a person out there, who had unfortunately passed away, please kindly tell his father that his son would really like to tell him that he loves him a lot and that he would hope that his father would be able to release all the hurt and just live on with his life.
And for Kelvin, if you are still around, I would also like to tell u that I have already done my part by blogging this down. I hope that you can also let go and move on. I hope your friends can see this and tell your father about this, and I hope that you will see that bright light shining down on you and follow it. With love.
P.S. Dear friends, if you can, please do ask around. If there really is a Kelvin Mah who has committed suicide, and his father is still around and depressed over his son, let me know. If there's a chance I would really like to talk to him to help him let go.
Such a sweet couple......even though a little old liao. Hahahahahaha.....but even all the more sweet.
Boy, have times changed.
Nowadays, to a certain extent, I even feel happy and relieved to go for funerals. It's like a chance to help someone cross over. Hopefully they do. But if they don't, at least I know I have tried my best.
In fact, sometimes, when I come back from such events, I even feel rather satisfied and happy. No longer do I dread, and seldom do I even go into one of those dreary moods why I groan and get upset over another good person going away.....hahahahaha.....
At least, nowadays I feel that I have done something. Much better than the helplessness that I have felt before.
The Sichuan Hotpot soup is wonderful!!!! It's the taste that I've been trying to look for such a long time.
And to think that I cooked it!!! Heehee....so delighted. Going to keep some for dinner. I must say that it's really really nice, although it was a real real real real frantic attempt. So many steps, and almost got my sichuan pepper and dried chillis burned, cos I was still trying my best to open the cap of the bean past sauce....hahahahaha....
And maybe it's nice becos I forgot to wash the bean sprouts, and was too excited and just dumped it in directly from the bag....hahahahahahaha....but it did look washed la...u know, the type u buy from supermarket in a sealed plastic bag type....hahahahahahhaa.....
Doesn't matter la.....only I eat wat...hahahahaha....at most I poison myself.
So today, I'm going to try out another favourite soup of mine......Vegeetarian Sichuan Hotpot!!!! Hahahahahaha....
Hope it'll be great!!!
I must say that I really really enjoyed the show!!!! Esp for such a foodie that I am, I guess that it really made me feel so good!!!!
No, I was not drooling over the meat.....but it was a really feel good piece!!!! I just felt happy watching it!!!!
And the moment I got home, I cooked a poach egg. Hahahahahahaha....
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disjecta!!!Hahahahaha.....Thanks for reminding me of her wonderful songs.....When the fat lady sings man......when the fat lady sings.....hahahahahaa....
This is the first song that made her famous if I'm not wrong.....hahahahaha....
And this is the song that made Fantasia such a hit.....but I think Ella is soooooooooooooo much better. I'm biased!!! Hahahahahaha...
I guess sometimes when we are in a relationship, we can't really take too much time to think about what is going to come.
Sometimes, ppl get affected by past relationships, by age, by religion etc.....but after these years, I realized that sometimes, one of the biggest lessons to learn is how not to be judgemental on some of these external factors that people can't change.
To me, what's important is perhaps the process.....some ppl believe in only "THE ONE". I believe in many "Ones"......and that some of them suit u better than others. Sometimes it's really about timing and both parties' readiness at that point of time. It has to be synchronized. If want party keeps stepping on the brake pedal, it would be so difficult to move forward.
Relationships, most of the time, is really about taking a leap of faith. You just have to dive in sometimes, and just enjoy the experience. When one party keeps holding back due to guilt, fear of hurt, need for control etc, it just doesn't make sense, unless both parties are willing to do so together. But at the end of the day, relationships are really about emotions. How well are you at controlling your emotions? How well do you think u can synchronize your emotions with another person? Practically, it's quite difficult to me, esp when you don't know when the other party is stepping the brake.
I guess, it's just a thought......but I think it's something to think about....
Having problems with supervisor arrangement. It's sad that it's so difficult to actually just help ppl? Even though your heart is pure and you wanna help others out of goodwill, you still have to go through so many red-tape, ppl's judgement, and support is just so freaking little. It's freaking frustrating and frankly speaking, just absolutely plain dumb.
Sometimes I wonder why I go thru so much bull shit just to do something that I believe in. DBS is still a lovely place to be working at so far. And I think I do enjoy my time working here still.....it's just that my heart is with helping ppl in a way that I feel is truly meaningful. I guess some ppl are driven by passion, and I am one of those.
(Reminds me of my father who keeps saying that I'm a dreamer and sometimes I feel so URGH just thinking of that....)
According to Shirley, the entire of Nepal only has 20 psychiatrists. And Nepal having gone thru a civil war and currently still having a Maoist insurgency, has quite a high percentage of ppl who require counselling. Everyone is overworked. Who will have the time to supervise? Absolutely no one.
So this is an appeal for anyone who can help me find a supervisor in Nepal.
On a sidenote, was on the bus with Aiqing the other day, and I told her about this placement. But she mentioned that this would be something good to put on my resume. I thought for a while, and then I said, yeah!! I guess so!!! I didn't think of it that way before.....
Apparently my Tea Leaves Eggs is gaining a reputation in office......now got special request to cook some more.
I'm going to cook more tomolo and bring one big pot to office on Monday. Hahahahahaha....
**got suan for typo of Tea Leave Egg instead of Tea Leaves Egg......kena bully....**
